Am I Happy Yet?

The Quest

This year my word of the year is Belong. I am seeking to belong in my own skin, to love myself, and to be happy. Now that we are in June I want to take a minute to look back on the first half of the year and see how my quest is going.

The Heroine

There is a version of myself that I truly believe I am turning into. I am deepening so many good character traits, and really working to minimize and eliminate the bad. I am so much more patient now that it is weird to think of how I used to fidget and pace and start to raise my voice if something was taking too long. Now I can sit, silently, waiting without feeling any stress. I am able to sit next to women here in Lebanon without needing to say something. This causes many women to build relationship with me because that is normal for them as well.

I have reduced the voice raising so much that when I raise my voice now it surprises me, too. Once a month this gets a little wacky (sorry if that’s TMI), but even that week is nothing compared to how bad it used to be.

I really am learning to love myself. I have a clean house most of the time, and I am able to keep up with chores and homeschool and have begun really showing consistency in the blog, exercise, and many other areas of life.

So much of who I want to be is starting to happen. As a family we are instituting strategies that set us up for success so that we can encourage each other’s strengths.

Day by day, step by step, I am becoming the woman God and I want me to be.

The Villain

Sometimes, in a movie or book, it can be hard to recognize the villain. Often the villainess is good friends with the heroine until in a sudden twist she becomes the bad guy.

I can be the villain in my own life. Just when I am starting to get to know myself, be calm and happy for an extended period of time, or do something to take care of myself, the part of me that does not believe this is possible starts to react. I start distrusting people around me, finding things to nitpick.

Back in February I posted a short letter to my Shadow Self, that villainous piece of me that tries to remove Joy and Love from my life. The battle with her goes on, but it is greatly diminished in the past few months. I have control over that aspect of myself far more than I did before.

I am afraid.

I become my own enemy out of fear. Fear of change, fear of loss, fear of failure.

Recognizing that I am afraid, I can give it back to God, seek His help, pray with my family, and get the train back on the rails.

I really love and thrive on consistency and routine. But so little of my life has been focused on those two things that it is a big change to move from chaos to routine. I have to tell myself every day, “This change is good. This change means that eventually there will not be chaos and mania. I want to be made well.”

I am excited.

I am living in paradox. Feelings that don’t go together are simultaneously in my brain. In the midst of those feelings of fear I am looking forward to the future with confidence and faith stronger than ever. I know without an inkling of doubt that I am headed where God wants me, and that right now at my computer typing this, I am in God’s hand.

God told me I can be happy. So that is true. Anything my Shadow Self, Satan, or any other enemy says that is different from that is not true.

As we plan to go to America, fundraise, people raise, train people in prayer and moral support, and spend time with family, I am thrilled to be on an adventure. I am sure that God has great things planned and can’t wait to see what they are. I know that it will all be different because I have changed inside my own skin so much.

I hope to continue to learn to express myself and share what God is putting on my heart in a way that encourages and blesses others. I have learned how to take care of myself so that I can be the best person, mom, wife, and friend I can be. In another 6 months I know I will look back and see what a special year this is.

I love you, Annie.

If you live in the Arizona or Utah areas, I would love to meet with you while I am in America! CLICK HERE to make an appointment or shoot me a comment or reply.

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Set Yourself Up For Success


Set Me Up For Success, Mom.

This has become a common phrase in our house. The kids will come to us and say, “Can you set me up for success?”

We are building a foundation of trust in our family with this phrase.

Our kids know that we will be doing what is best for them when we use this phrase. We use it with ourselves as well to remind ourselves that we need to make sure we aren’t setting ourselves up to fail. The feeling of failure is debilitating. It makes life so much harder, and sometimes those failures are entirely preventable.

In my year of learning to Belong in my skin, one of the first things I realized is that I need to learn to trust myself.

To begin the process of learning to trust myself, I said no to something every day for one month.

Just Say No

Saying no to something each day meant that I gave myself freedom from myself. Every single day I was putting too many items on my to do list for the day. Putting myself in the habit of looking for something to cut out gave me the ability to prioritize and most importantly to breathe during the day. This simple task helped me find the parts to my day that were not working out and to adjust. After a month of saying no I felt that my load was lighter, and I also now have the permission to say no to myself whenever I need to.

Stick To My Decisions

I spend time planning each week, but often I second guess my plans, or try to rearrange them continuously. So much time goes into the planning, that sometimes nothing actually gets accomplished. Even simple tasks like getting dressed for the day, what to make Davy for his lunch, and whether or not I was going to boil water for coffee became mind consuming. I recognized the need to change this, so I added Stick to My Decisions to the habit tracker taped to the top of my desk. Each day I made it through the day without getting paralyzed by a small decision I could check off a day. It took me longer than 21 days to make it through, but now I have set up little routines for myself.

The best thing I solved was getting dressed. I recognized that the reason it was so hard was that at 5am in the morning when I wake up I cannot really think through the plan for the day well enough to know what kind of clothes I need for the day. Now I set my clothes out every evening because in the evening I have enough mental power to think about the kind of day I will be having the following day.

This little routine makes it so much easier to get out of bed instead of hitting snooze every morning.

Can you identify a habitual failure in your own life? How could you take some time right now to set yourself up for success? Please share in the comments some of the ways that you are setting yourself up for success.

Outliers: A Book Review

This is Day 8 of my FREE 21 Day Writing Challenge. It isn’t too late to Join the Challenge! Yesterday Louis and I went out to a hockey game and I completely forgot about it, so I didn’t get a chance to write. I am learning through this challenge about writing during times of great flex. I feel most relaxed to write well at night, but I need to prepare ahead of time to make the time to write late at night.

 

Outliers

 

 


This book is such a good book. When it first came out I was so excited to read it, but forced myself to wait until the month I had it in our budget to purchase a book online. I LOVED the book. The whole purpose is to look at success and to take apart the ideas that we hold to of there being these excellent people who come from nothing and have no help along the way. The book is excellent and worth reading, and in this short post I won’t be able to do it justice. For me it was wonderful to look at the different aspects of making excellence in the multiple case studies he shares about. The writing style is so easy to read and makes the statistics understandable while not sacrificing the numbers and purpse of data.

Greatness

I truly believe Louis, my husband, is meant to be great. So, for me reading this book was also helpful in looking at his life and how to support him. One of the main points the book makes about greatness is that it takes about 10,000 hours of real practice to become an expert at something. I began to think about what Louis spends hours and hours doing. Theological application is one that came to mind. Even before he became a Christian, my husband was thinking through those ethical dilemnas and working out religious problems. People is another one of Louis’ expertises. He has spent years studying the people around him. Malcolm Gladwell explains that to hit that 10,000 hours takes about 10 years, which is how Louis can be so good at these things at a young age.

Highly Recommended

As I said I can’t explain it all in this short post, but you should read the book for sure because it was an excellent and important book. As I am moving into the New Year and making goals and plans, I want to become a better me. I have great aspirations for creating a life for myself of independence and purpose. I want to move forward with focus and intentionality. I want to belong in my own skin. I want to love myself and learn to be happy. As I read Outliers I also spent time thinking about my own expertise. I have spent at least 10,000 hours reading. I was thinking about this and getting down on myself for not being better at English. But it occurred to me, that like the post earlier about never throwing out an idea, I have a vast web of connections through reading. I have learned about people, the way people think, and now use those ideas in my own writing.

I was able to look at a lot of things analytically through this book. The book taught me to read between the lines in any story of someone rising to greatness in order to see the help actually received along the way. No one can do it on their own. We all need community as well as passion. So exciting to think about.

This post is one of a series meant to kickstart a writing habit. I created exclusive prompts which are emailed to those of us signed up for my FREE 21 Day Writing Challenge. I am posting my responses each day, and I invite you to join me in this writing journey by CLICKING HERE! The only way to receive the prompts is to sign up for the Challenge. The emails will include the prompt for the day as well as directions to kickstart your writing habit for any combination of the following:

  • Personal Journal
  • Prayer Journal
  • Blog
  • Christmas/New Year Letter or Correspondence