Healing Through the Year

This is Day 5 of my FREE 21 Day Writing Challenge. It is not too late to Join the Challenge! Joining is the only way to get the prompts sent to your inbox.

Nightmare

Four nurses holding me down, hold my legs open and a doctor comes at me to cut me. This nightmare has been recurring for as long as I can remember. My husband has always tried to determine the root of the trauma evidenced by such recurring nightmares and other symptoms of trauma I have displayed. In March, 2015 the trauma root was uncovered. The day after Kyrie was born she was diagnosed with an imperforate hymen. My world collapsed as I began having flashbacks and quickly it was determined this is what I had had as a child. It had become an emergency situation as it went undiagnosed or misdiagnosed for years. I was in pain and discomfort and the solution was to cut my hymen.

Control

When we were working to get Kyrie into surgery, I was seeking control of a situation in which I was spinning out of control in so many directions. Time and time again our plans dissolved. Kyrie’s doctor tried a catheter in hopes that the membrane would be ready to move aside as it should have after being born. When this didn’t work his recommendation was to ask in Lebanon if someone could do the surgery after waiting until she was big enough to not have need of the extra microscope due to being an infant. We waited and went to the pediatrician. The visit decreased my confidence in the possibilities, so we called Dr. Ashley in Tucson and scheduled the surgery.

In the mean time, while fighting for control of Kyrie’s surgery, I felt completely out of control in healing from my own past. I had anger and frustration and could determine no way to find closure. But slowly slowly I healed. At the beginning I couldn’t even tell people what had happened to me. Now I can tell the story. I have empathy for my parents who were thrust into the situation in an even more stressful and horrific way than we were. We were given the opportunity to ensure Kyrie would not suffer all the same ways I had.

God’s Control

Yet, even through our attempts to control the situation, much of the past 21 months has been solely in God’s hands. Getting the money to pay for the surgery out of pocket is a tangible measurement of the ways God has provided for us. The nontangible ways are in the healing of my heart and mind. I am a new woman, and I can’t wait to get through yet another year of healing. I am so excited to meet the woman I will be. I know more about why my brain ticks the way it does, and can accept and move forward. I am able to see the plans God has for us without as much fear and trepidation. In addition, God has had Kyrie in His capable hands all along. Even when I was more tied up in dealing with my own healing and incapable of even processing her constant and increasing pain in these months, God has been with us as a family. Kyrie and I are so close, which I never had thought possible, especially when she had this diagnosis which I believe is what caused problems between my mother and I when I was growing up.

The News You All Have Been Waiting For

This blog post is about my own healing, and it is a part of my writing challenge meant to kickstart a writing habit. Part of writing is healing. Being able to process this again and again helps me to continue to heal. But what most of you want to know is Now What? We do have an update about Kyrie coming soon. Stay tuned.

This post is one of a series meant to kickstart a writing habit. I created exclusive prompts which are emailed to those of us signed up for my FREE 21 Day Writing Challenge. I am posting my responses each day, and I invite you to join me in this writing journey by CLICKING HERE! The only way to receive the prompts is to sign up for the Challenge. The emails will include the prompt for the day as well as directions to kickstart your writing habit for any combination of the following:

• Personal Journal

• Prayer Journal

• Blog

• Christmas/New Year Letter or Correspondence